you are not alone

I continuously run into other moms with kiddos around the same age. We all have that moment. We meet another mom with a kiddo around the same age. “Oh, you have a kiddo too? What age?” “Mine too!” “Does yours do this?” “Omygoodness mine too!” “I thought it was just mine.” “How do you handle…?” We have a full conversation comparing and contrasting and swapping tips and tricks. It’s probably one of my favorite things. I feel like we help each other a lot in the five to ten minute conversation we have. Moms need more of this. And no, not just moms, parents in general need more of this. I’ve been lucky enough to witness these conversations happen for my partner as well, and it is very similar “oh yours does that too?” It’s fun to watch and it’s helpful. In these moments you can seeeee the relief, there’s usually an audible sigh of relief as well, but you can see a mom let down her guard for a split second and her shoulders fall and she splits a smile and it’s nice to let it go for a minute. It’s nice to know yours isn’t the only one running around naked, having accidents, not eating, not sleeping, saying wild things. Yours isn’t the only one. You are not alone momma. You are not alone.

My goal will some day to have created some sort of network, community of moms, a safe haven. Where we can go and just let it all out without the fear of being judged or harassed for what we say or do. Being a mom is hard and you won’t always get it right, but that’s ok, and should always be ok.

We should never be down on another mom because their kid has on a dress or a tshirt in 40 some degree weather, mine does it all the time, and I promise you the kid is fine. My kid is HOT all the time, burns up at the thought of long sleeves, she’s ok in a tshirt. And I know other mom’s thiiiiink they’re thinking of the child’s best interest, but they don’t know my child like I do. And I don’t know yours like you do. We should trust mom’s with their own kids.

I have to remind myself sometimes. We should also not feel judged if someone is wanting to help. If another mom or grandma even wants to help distract or coral my child in the farmer’s market, by all means “Thank you!” Now, if they want to give me the stink eye or stare and whisper or make comments, by all means “fuck off,” but we shouldn’t be doing this to each other. We also shouldn’t be ashamed of someone offering help, they offer help because they understand, that sometimes you need help. Sometimes it’s nice for your kid to talk to someone while you try to pay, or they can talk to someone while you slowly move the item they want out of view. A kind lady holds your stroller because while you’re grabbing the bag of produce your little one is trying to climb back IN and the stroller is rolling away, “Thank you!” People really can be kind.

We should also never judge a mom for her house. You know, I clean my house, beautiful! Within 3 minutes my little one has gone to every room and dumped something. But she dumped puzzle pieces to start a puzzle, and that reminded her of her picnic toys in the other room, so she goes to dump them to play, and then she remembers she left one in the bathroom and goes to dump her bath toys to put the one away, and then she remembers she wanted to show me her newest pokemon card so she goes back to dump her cards and sees her puzzles and starts doing those again. She’s thinking. She’s remembering. And at some point she will help me pick it all back up. But, it’s a mess, all the time. She’s learning and growing and maybe it won’t be a mess forever. It’s hard to keep up and I don’t always keep up. and that’s ok.

We should also help and support one another through hard times instead of judging a mom for her meltdowns. Momming is a lot, it’s hard, and support would be helpful. We are all human and we have emotions. We didn’t become moms and just stop having emotions. But we are expected to have complete control over our emotions. We are the ONLY one in the house expected to have complete control over our emotions. Sometimes it’s impossible. Sometimes you didn’t get enough sleep, sometimes you haven’t eaten, sometimes work was hard, sometimes your little one has bitten your nose or yanked your hair so hard you have a headache, BUT you better NOT have ANY sort of negative feelings! Yeah right. You’re going to have negative feelings, you’re human. As long as we have healthy ways of dealing with them, even semi- healthy works. But it’s ok. It’s ok to have these feelings. Which brings up mom guilt, but that’s a whole nother post.

All these things we go through, we do, we deal with. A lot of the times we do it all alone, or seemingly alone. Even if dad is there, and helpful, it’s not always enough. There’s something about being a mom only another mom will get. And that’s why I am here. I get it momma. I get it. And I don’t want to be alone, and I don’t want you to be alone. We’ve got this, we’ve got the next generation, together.